he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
