Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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