I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
