There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
