you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize