U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I need help removing her.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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