I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
