sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
