You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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