thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
