Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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