I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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