it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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