shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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