just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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