if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
