I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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