She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
