***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
