I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm at about main and main street
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
