It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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