I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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