whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
