dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
