Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
