I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
