Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
