She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my poor anus
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
