I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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