I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
