Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
