I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
