I'm eating all of the evidence.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
