I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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