I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
