Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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