evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
