please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
