ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
