dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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