This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize