i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
