turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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