Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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