well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
