You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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