i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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