you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
