how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
