sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
