and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
