Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
