I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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