if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
