the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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