don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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