I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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