I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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