I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
