I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize