Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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