you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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