i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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