is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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