Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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