He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
