When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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